"Parking Space" by Alain Gomez

“This place makes absolutely no sense.”

“Tell me about it. And I have no idea who we could even talk to for directions.”

“Pull our options up on the screen. We need to figure out who would be the best representative.”

“Just a moment… hmm… all right here’s a complete list… I think.”

“What about Russia? They seem to have the most land.”

“But not the most people.”

“Good point. Why do they need so much land then?”

“Beats me.”

“Ok it looks like this place called China has the most people and the biggest military.”

“But not the most militaristic. Look at this number here. Korea has fewer people but more of those people are signed up to be soldiers.”

“Is that important?”

“Maybe? This species is always always fighting. Maybe we need to find the best warrior among them?”

“That sort of makes sense. However, they must not be very good warriors. Not one of them has managed to conquer the entire planet. Earth isn’t that big.”

“Fairly small, actually. Do you remember Germok the Great? His reign ended… I dunno… three centuries ago or so?”

“Haha! I do! Now that was a warrior the humans could learn a few tricks from. Eight planets in eight days!”

“The natives didn’t even have a chance… Okay, forget looking for a warrior. These humans can’t even get that right. What about the most successful?”

“I’m not sure that’s the answer either. No one government seems to be all-powerful. They all owe currency to each other. Plus, they all have different government structures and they all have problems.”

“Why would they all owe currency to each other? Wouldn’t that logically mean they’re not in debt? These humans have a strange notion of success. Perhaps the oldest government then is the most successful?”

“Maybe… hmm… no, according to this list, Earth’s oldest governments don’t seem to be any better off than the others.”

“Ugh. Forget it then. Let’s move on to the next planet.”

“But the technology we were going to share would change the course of their history!”

“That may be but this species wouldn’t know what to do with it even if we gave them step-by-step instructions. We’ll come back in another century. Maybe then they’ll have organized this mess.”

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